Once again, I find myself alone.
The only friends I can turn to
Are my paper and my pen.
Loneliness gripping me tight.
I feel like I am suffocating,
Like as if I was drowning.
No one around to save me.
No one around to hear my screams.
Should I just accept my fate?
Surrender to my fears?
Or should I continue fighting?
Fighting for my happiness?
But at what cost?
So many questions,
So little answers.
I’ve been down this road before,
Yet, this time around it feels different.
Almost as if someone has cast a spell
That blocks me from being happy.
Is that even a thing?
They say that if you love someone,
You should let them go,
And if they return to you,
It was meant to be.
But what if I can’t let go?
What if I tried that already
And she came back, but, not single?
What then? What should one do?
How can I turn my back on that person?
It’s not as easy as it sounds.
So whoever it was that said that,
Obviously has never loved as deep as I do.
How do I even begin to force my heart
To not love this person anymore?
How do I act like 6 years didn’t matter?
And how was she able to move on?
I don’t know the answers, but,
I was taught to fight for what I believe in.
Except, I’ve been fighting for so long
That maybe I should admit defeat.
After all, she stays proving she is over me.
How am I not able to be as strong?
Why am I so weak when I know better?
What is keeping me hanging on?
The good moments we shared?
The bomb sex? The warm kisses?
The late night convos?
Who can I reach out to for answers?
When all I feel is loneliness…
©Mauricio Rincon ®Skeletal Abstract 2020